We all have unproductive, negative thoughts that can hold power over us and keep us from our full potential. These thoughts include things like “I’m not good enough,” “Other people will think I’m stupid,” and “I’ll never achieve (insert goal here).” While the thoughts themselves are counterproductive, the power we unconsciously give to them is even worse.
Like a snowball rolling downhill, the thoughts attract other negative self-talk like “I need to get rid of these thoughts” or “What’s wrong with me? Other people don’t have these thoughts.” And with these thoughts, along come the emotions of shame, guilt, worthlessness. Before we know it, we’re stuck in place, ruminating and focused on the thoughts and emotions, and adding even MORE guilt and shame because we’re not moving forward on our goals.
Negative Thoughts and Acceptance Commitment Therapy
The good news is that we can learn how to take the power of these thoughts back. These techniques are based on Acceptance Commitment Therapy or ACT.
In The Happiness Trap: How To Stop Struggling And Start Living, Russ Harris says “In ACT, our main interest in a thought is not whether it’s true or false, but whether it’s helpful; that is, if we pay attention to this thought, will it help us create the life we want?”
So, the first step is to recognize and name the thought as helpful or unhelpful. Once we see a thought as unhelpful we can practice defusion, which reduces the power of our thoughts.
Harris defines defusion as:
- Looking at thoughts rather than from them
- Noticing thoughts rather than becoming caught up in them
- Letting thoughts come and go rather than holding on to them
Here are four ways to begin to use defusion on negative thoughts:
- Notice your thoughts
You can try labeling your thoughts, such as “Oh, there’s that self-worth thing again” without being drawn into the story. Giving them a funny name may be helpful as well. - Thank your mind for the thoughts
At the core, a lot of these thoughts are defense mechanisms to keep us from risk. If we don’t stick our necks out to explore our edges, we won’t make mistakes. It’s our mind’s way of protecting us. So simply say, “Thanks for the warning, I know you’re just trying to keep me safe.” - Mindfulness meditation
A simple meditation practice of observing the breath, practiced for 5 or 10 minutes a day, will build your ability to watch your thoughts come and go like clouds in the sky. - Make fun of the thoughts
Russ Harris suggests singing the thought to the tune of Happy Birthday or repeating the thought to yourself in the voice of a cartoon character.
This is just the first step in a longer process of learning to move forward despite the thoughts. The idea is to focus your energy on helpful thoughts and actions instead of trying to suppress or eliminate the negative thoughts. Then, we can design an action plan to get you moving forward on those goals. You can build this action plan in a free, 60-minute session with me. You’ll walk away with solid steps and strategies to shift your focus to positive, helpful thoughts and actions. There is no cost or obligation, and no high-pressure sales. Schedule your free session here!
ICF-Certified Conscious Leadership Coach
You can optimize your impact by exploring your beliefs, behaviors, and language. By shining a light on unconscious patterns, you’ll establish a new way of being that brings self-awareness, emotional intelligence, confidence, and better relationships. These skills will enable you to:
- Embrace vulnerability
- Build trust and psychological safety with their teams
- Clearly communicate individual and team goals, and hold accountability
- Communicate with intention, authenticity, and compassion
- Give and receive feedback that enables learning, development, and deeper relationships
- Solve difficult decisions
- Face the future with optimism, enthusiasm, and energy
- Resolve past difficulties and hurt
When you coach with me, you’ll benefit from my 25 years of corporate experience, with expertise in coaching and organizational development. Leaders at Roche Pharmaceuticals, the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, Danone, LinkedIn, and many more have benefited from our work together.
I am a graduate of Newfield Network’s Coaching for Personal and Professional Mastery program and am a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) through the International Coach Federation. A longtime meditation practitioner, I emphasize conscious, mindful leadership, and business practices that benefit all.
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