Why Reducing Stress and Anxiety Doesn’t Always Work
Have you ever tried to get rid of all of your stress and anxiety? Did you succeed? I bet not! In fact, it’s likely that your efforts to push those thoughts away and escape caused MORE stress!
Why? Because those unhelpful thoughts are like snowballs rolling downhill. They attract more unhelpful thoughts and emotions such as shame, dread, and the sense that there is something wrong with us.
A client of mine came to me completely stressed out and barely able to work. Her initial stressful thought was about an ever-increasing workload, and she was afraid she’d never be able to keep up. Yet, her coworkers seemed to be coping just fine. She began to wonder what was wrong with her and became afraid that her manager would think she wasn’t qualified for the job.
Our first step was to recognize the stressful thought, and instead of pushing it away or trying to remove or change it, we simply let it be. We separated the judgments from the thought and simply let the thought exist without trying to change it. She then realized that at least half of her stress was coming from judging herself and her fear of being judged by others.
She was then able to see that while she had that stressful thought, she didn’t have to act on it or judge herself for it – she was not her thoughts. And that gave her the freedom to choose to act in a more positive way. Without the fear of judgment, she was able to speak with her manager and resolve the issue with additional training.
How to Develop Resiliency
Resiliency is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties. When dealing with stress and anxiety, we can use resiliency to work with the feelings, not against them. And as we saw, this opens up possibilities that weren’t there before. By focusing our energy on positive steps forward rather than fighting those feelings, we can progress in spite of them.
The first step is to recognize when we’re trapped in those thoughts. Mindfulness meditation is a fantastic way to develop this self-awareness. With just a little practice, we’re able to objectively see the thoughts and feelings that are holding us back.
Then, we make friends with the thoughts. Or at least we let them be. You can silently thank your mind for trying to warn you of danger. Simply labeling it as “disaster thinking” or “there goes that same old story again” can help too.
Moving Forward with Resiliency
Finally, we do something that moves us in a more positive direction, without fighting the thoughts or feelings. Yes, it takes courage and support! And, when you’ve taken a few of these steps in spite of the thoughts, you’ll begin to move from a place of stuck resignation to one of enthusiasm and forward momentum. The thoughts may still be there, but you’re seeing new possibilities and potential.
The more you work with this process, the more easily you’ll recognize the unhelpful thoughts and patterns. And you’ll soon have the confidence to move forward despite them, with more energy and enthusiasm (now that you’re not spending it on fighting the thoughts)!
If you’d like support and guidance with this process, I’d be happy to meet with you for a free session, where we can explore this and how we might work together.
ICF-Certified Conscious Leadership Coach
You can optimize your impact by exploring your beliefs, behaviors, and language. By shining a light on unconscious patterns, you’ll establish a new way of being that brings self-awareness, emotional intelligence, confidence, and better relationships. These skills will enable you to:
- Embrace vulnerability
- Build trust and psychological safety with their teams
- Clearly communicate individual and team goals, and hold accountability
- Communicate with intention, authenticity, and compassion
- Give and receive feedback that enables learning, development, and deeper relationships
- Solve difficult decisions
- Face the future with optimism, enthusiasm, and energy
- Resolve past difficulties and hurt
When you coach with me, you’ll benefit from my 25 years of corporate experience, with expertise in coaching and organizational development. Leaders at Roche Pharmaceuticals, the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs, Danone, LinkedIn, and many more have benefited from our work together.
I am a graduate of Newfield Network’s Coaching for Personal and Professional Mastery program and am certified through the International Coach Federation. A longtime meditation practitioner, I emphasize conscious, mindful leadership, and business practices that benefit all.
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